A sea of black - most of them faces I'd never seen, all of them in clear emotional pain. I'd never seen my church sanctuary like this. I sat in the back, tucked safely between members of my church family, occasionally blotting my face to keep my mascara from running after being mixed with salty water gracefully flowing out of my tear ducts. Taking it all in. A million thoughts were running through my head, each one of them overwhelming to even begin to ponder: I can't imagine. Does the family really know it yet? Will they lose it any second, or are they blanketed with the peace that passes understanding? How is Becca? I've never seen a look on her face like that before. Lord, help them. Only You can. Why did this happen?! Oh, I don't know. I don't have the answer to any of these questions. But I need to maintain my composure.

Sincere joy filled my heart as we stood and sang praises to our God. We sang words such as...

When peace like a river attendeth my way
When sorrows like sea billows roll
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say
It is well, it is well with my soul.

Amazing Love, how can it be
That You my King would die for me
Amazing Love, I know it's true
And it's my joy to honor You

My chains are gone, I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood, His mercy reigns
Unending love, amazing grace.

But those words weren't sung without pain. Mike and Debbie's daughter, Rebecca's sister, and our church's loyal friend, Michaela Petro, went home to be with her Lord and Savior this past weekend following a fatal car accident. She was 18.

Rebecca and Mackenzie (Michaela's best friend) each read beautiful eulogies proclaiming their love for her exuberant personality. Michaela's neighbors, friends, coworkers and family members stood up and shared hilarious stories that will always remain in their memories. I laughed, I cried, I sighed, I worshiped. But mostly I laughed.

Our Pastor Roger shared the Gospel of Jesus Christ with the congregation, how by the very grace of God we each have the blessed opportunity to be God's friend through the sacrifice He made atoning for our sins. It rang truer in my heart than any other time I've heard that story which never gets old.

I don't know all the emotions the Petro's are feeling or have yet to experience, and I don't want to. Confusion, anger, sorrow, possibly. And guilt, oh, the guilt. Thoughts like, What if I didn't let her go out that night? Was there something I could have done? What could her life have been like? Do I really have to spend the rest of my life without her? I do know that they will not make it through this incomprehensible grieving process without the protection, comfort, and strength of our Lord. I also know that we do not mourn as those who have no hope (1 Thes. 4:13). We mourn, but in a much different way. In a way that tells us that Michaela is dancing in Heaven, with the hope and assurance that God will be glorified through this tragedy. What a beautiful type of mourning we have to do.

If you were somehow connected to Michaela and her sudden death, whether you have a relationship with Jesus or not, please allow God to bring you closer to Him through this. Whether that be salvation or sanctification, sit back and watch Him paint His masterpiece in your life. Just like Michaela's remarkable talent in the arts, God sure knows what He's doing when He works in your life. But you have to let Him.

Take a deep breath. I know it's hard, and I know it's painful. We weren't made for this. But this is grace.