You belong among the wildflowers
You belong in a boat out at sea
You belong with your love on your arm
You belong somewhere you feel free.
~Tom Petty
Disclaimer: This blog post is aimless and confusing, full of twisted thoughts free-flowing with Jesus somewhere in between.
Tonight we played this game at youth group that gave me a headache but I found quite symbolic. (I think it was supposed to be that way.) You see, there was a path laid out on the carpet with masking tape. The path was straight; it took you from one place to another. This path needed to be crossed, of course. But along this path were ropes. These ropes were not to be stepped on. If you stepped on a rope, you were to start over. Sounds easy, right? Yeah, well you had to be blindfolded, and your group (we were broken up into junior high girls, junior high guys, senior high girls, senior high guys) would tell you which way to go. Okay, I can handle that. But the rest of the group (50 kids, give or take) would be yelling out LIES as to where to go the whole time. Hmm.
What I needed to do in order to have any hope of getting to the place I needed to be, was to distinguish my senior high girls group members’ voices over the rest of the people in my youth group. Now I could do this because I know these girls very well; they’re my best friends. I’ve heard their voices many times and can identify them - most of the time. But if I didn’t know them too well, had only spent a little time with them, it would have been much harder.
What I realized as soon as I put the blindfold on and people started yelling, was that this game was pretty difficult, rather impossible. I remember hearing Ellie’s voice, Colleen’s voice, Bridget’s voice. I heard a lot of other voices too, some saying things like “fly, just run through it, step purple,” and some telling me to step left when I really just needed to step right. It was a fail.
God is calling me to a new place, just a little further. I have no idea how to get there - each time I take a step, I don’t know what I’m getting myself into. All I know is that I do NOT want to step into sin. As soon as I do that, even slightly, I’ll have to start over. That’s pretty much a no-no. So He’s telling me where to go, He is. But He’s got a still small voice. There are also all these lies that are being told to me - there is no point, you will never get there, nobody likes you, you are not capable. There are tons of distractions keeping me from following the path. Sometimes it is easy for me to distinguish between the truth and the lies, but sometimes it is not. As I get to know the Lord more and more, it will become easier and easier. The truth is - there IS a point because I WILL get there and it will be glorious, freeing, and indescribable really. There may be some people who don’t like me or find me annoying, but that’s okay because I am loved by so many more but most especially by God. I am not able by myself, but God is. Unlike the game, I will get there. He will pull me through.
So I made a commitment tonight. I want to fall in love with Him all over again. I want Him to light the fire again. I want Him to move mountains in my life, in my heart, and in other people’s lives through me. I want to make it to the promised land. I want to know Him like the back of my hand, so I’ll know without a doubt what is the truth and what is a lie, and disregard lies right away. I want Him to show me my heart, my brokenness and weaknesses and vulnerabilities. I want to hold to my purpose - the art of losing myself in bringing Him praise.
And I will. He will. We will.
The escalator will stop.
I hope that made sense. Good night.
Me viste a mi cuando nadie me vio. Me amaste a mi cuando nadie me amo. Y me diste nombre. Yo soy Tu ninia, la ninia de Tus ojos, porque me amaste a mi. Te amo mas que a mi vida.
